finding the balance and learning to keep heart over mind, that is the way to eat the fruit. to eat it to its core. If we had finished it to the core, we wouldn't be in this tangle. Just one bite meant a confusing evolution toward learning to just sit and finish the apple on the river bank, saying Thank you! my god that feels good.
But life is demanding. it calls for our time and attention at every detailed pass. there is always something to justify working in the name of your mind and leaving the heart behind. but making a commitment to electing a different dictator, a different source of power....that's what the equation is about. what amazes me is how i can carry around songs, ideas and books of reasearch in my bag of living and then wake up in the morning of my re-birth again and again, knowing i didn't practice the X=H/M method as i had hoped i would. that M somehow negotiated its way into the drivers seat again and took me down a road that H would never of allowed. damn it. I got taken for a ride again, a ride through a world that ticks desperately toward human time.
life is messy and that's the moral of the story. learning to love the mess is how H stays strong, stays the dominant factor in an equation for living that satisfies my eternal being. when M tries to organize the beautiful chaos and compartamentalize my fear of losing control, that's when I can't hear H telling me what to do anymore.
let me promise once again that i'll honor H first. to simplify it, it's like this...next time my mind says...we have to do this, go here, be afraid, wear this...my Heart will firmly but gently remind the Tool (the mind being a miraculous tool, which is productive when it knows its place and dangerous when it tries to command the road) that it is a Tool and nothing more, not the Hand of god (as Whitman says, "the elderhand of my own.") In short, i won't accept my writing time stolen from my Heart schedule, the Now Manager. Indeed, if the mind wants to do something, fine, but it will have to apply for approval from H. "This I replied: no one, if he could help it, would tolerate the presence of untruth in the most vital part of his nature concerning the most vital matters. There is nothing he would fear so much as to harbour falshood in the the soul." - The Republic Of Plato
Heading for the prarie on tuesday is a promise to H. - Howling to you from the holy road, Lizzie X=h/m